hmm...ugh

well, i'm contemplating making this just a trip to thailand and coming home after i'm done here. i'm still have twice daily anxiety attacks which are getting really annoying, and i'm worried that if i go to cambodia it will end up like the day i spent at sukhothai alone - miserable and not wanting to shoot anything and not wanting to be creative. i would hate to have that feeling at angkor of all places, because it is somewhere that i have wanted to go to for a while, and even though i hate taking photographs of architecture, i still want to photograph it. but, i don't want to ruin (no pun intended) my time there by being miserable. i want to go when i can truly appreciate it and enjoy it. that was one thing i noticed here at sukhothai. even on the day that i wasn't alone and was taking better photographs, i could tell i wasn't appreciating it for what it was. and i would absolutely hate for me to glaze over angkor just because of my having mentally/physically/emotionally rejected this trip. it's worth more than that, in general, and to me. so i don't know, i'm going to give it a day, maybe two, to think about it, but, i don't know. both options aren't ideal: go home without going to angkor but get rid of the anxiety attacks and all that, or go to angkor but feel indifferent and get okay photographs that reflect an ok experience. well, i will ponder that for a while as i am on the bus to chiang mai today...